Saturday, August 1, 2009

Pete Morin news Service Issue #3

Newsflash from Washington, DC----July 31, 2009

ObamaCare appears to be within the grasp of the House of Representatives as a last minute deal is being worked out with the so called ‘Blue Dog Democrats’. Rep. Ross of Arkansas, the last holdout against a strong public option, has apparently signed on to the bill. According to our sources on Capitol Hill, Ross has agreed to accept excess corn shipments to go to pig farmers in Arkansas in exchange for his vote.

Another key component of the bill will be additional swine flu vaccine to be shipped to Iowa in exchange for the corn shipments to Arkansas. Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa at first balked at the arrangement but eventually relented when he agreed to allow farmers to ship their excess high fructose corn syrup to Alaska. This product will apparently be used to combat S.A.D.(Seasonal adjustment disorder). During the long Alaskan winter the high fructose will be used to help the population adjust to this disorder.

Congresspersons Waxman and Pelosi of California have also warned blue dog democrats to be careful appearing in public during the august recess so as to not incur any altercations with ultra right wing opponents of the ObamaCare bill. “It is imperative that this legislation not be side tracked by radical right wing extremists seeking to limit the public option” quoted Mr. Waxman.

In an unrelated issue, Peter Orszag will be replaced on the URDEAD committee. Apparently, Mr.Orszag cut himself while shaving for the first time and had to be rushed to Walter Reed Hospital. It was learned that Mr. Orszag does not have health insurance and he was quoted as saying “I’m still young and healthy and didn’t think that I should be forced to, nor was it necessary, to have insurance.” It has also been reported that Mr.Orszag has been put on paid administrative leave while his tenure as Director of the Office of Management and Budget is discussed. President Obama is evidently not pleased that Mr.Orszag didn’t know how to shave properly.

Finally, President Obama was asked at his beer bash by Officer Crowley if the appeals procedure for medical tests not covered by the government plan would be addressed, Mr.Obama said “If it isn’t covered under the basic plan then it’s just TOBAD for an assessment."

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

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