Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Issue #16

News flash from Martha’s Vineyard--August 25, 2009

Attorney General, Eric Holder, is considering indicting CIA Interrogators who used improper methods to gain information from Al-Qaeda suspects during the Bush Administration. The news which came out during the first day of President Obama’s vacation was expected to deflect criticism from Obama’s refiguring of the national deficit for the next ten years. Mr. Ali-bin mini Nasti, of the Council for the Reform of Arab-American Policy(CRAAP), was exultant over the news concerning the possible indictment of CIA officials. “We are CRAAP and very excited to see these very, very bad people to be brought to justice and hope that they will be stoned to death as soon as they can be found guilty.” Mr. Nasti, when informed that we do not stone people to death responded, “Well, maybe you could cut off an arm or two?”

The heat, apparently, is still on the Obama Administration with regards to the announcement of the change in the deficit figures. PMNS has learned of a secret program being considered by the administration that would pay for all the new red ink. According to un-named sources, Obama is planning to implement a new tax structure that will affect all tax rates. The plan is as follows:
$50,000 + 95% tax rate
40,000 -49,999 94% tax rate
30,000 -39,999 93% tax rate
20,000 -29,999 92% tax rate
15,000 -19,999 91% tax rate
10,000 -14,999 90% tax rate
5,000 - 9,999 89% tax rate
1,000 - 4,999 88% tax rate
1 - 999 87% tax rate
-1,000 - -1 (you get 5,000 dollars and the government takes back $4,999)
Etc., etc., -------
This program will start the day after election day, 2012 and is being called the ‘Situational Hi Income Transfer for Earnings Recipients‘. When pressed about President Obama’s pledge not to raise taxes on Middle Americans, Special Assistant, David Alexrod said, “There’s nothing untoward about this program or the specifics of it. It’s all in the SH*TER.”

On the lighter side, Sasha and Malia Obama and their mother, Michelle were building sand castles on the beach at Martha’s Vineyard when a large wave washed over their new creations. Upon hearing the sad news, the President was heard to say, “That’s ok kids. We’ll build new ones and call it ‘cash for sand castles’.”

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

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