Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Issue #16

News flash from Martha’s Vineyard--August 25, 2009

Attorney General, Eric Holder, is considering indicting CIA Interrogators who used improper methods to gain information from Al-Qaeda suspects during the Bush Administration. The news which came out during the first day of President Obama’s vacation was expected to deflect criticism from Obama’s refiguring of the national deficit for the next ten years. Mr. Ali-bin mini Nasti, of the Council for the Reform of Arab-American Policy(CRAAP), was exultant over the news concerning the possible indictment of CIA officials. “We are CRAAP and very excited to see these very, very bad people to be brought to justice and hope that they will be stoned to death as soon as they can be found guilty.” Mr. Nasti, when informed that we do not stone people to death responded, “Well, maybe you could cut off an arm or two?”

The heat, apparently, is still on the Obama Administration with regards to the announcement of the change in the deficit figures. PMNS has learned of a secret program being considered by the administration that would pay for all the new red ink. According to un-named sources, Obama is planning to implement a new tax structure that will affect all tax rates. The plan is as follows:
$50,000 + 95% tax rate
40,000 -49,999 94% tax rate
30,000 -39,999 93% tax rate
20,000 -29,999 92% tax rate
15,000 -19,999 91% tax rate
10,000 -14,999 90% tax rate
5,000 - 9,999 89% tax rate
1,000 - 4,999 88% tax rate
1 - 999 87% tax rate
-1,000 - -1 (you get 5,000 dollars and the government takes back $4,999)
Etc., etc., -------
This program will start the day after election day, 2012 and is being called the ‘Situational Hi Income Transfer for Earnings Recipients‘. When pressed about President Obama’s pledge not to raise taxes on Middle Americans, Special Assistant, David Alexrod said, “There’s nothing untoward about this program or the specifics of it. It’s all in the SH*TER.”

On the lighter side, Sasha and Malia Obama and their mother, Michelle were building sand castles on the beach at Martha’s Vineyard when a large wave washed over their new creations. Upon hearing the sad news, the President was heard to say, “That’s ok kids. We’ll build new ones and call it ‘cash for sand castles’.”

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Pete Morin news Service- Live Report

News flash from Martha’s Vineyard—August 24, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service is at Martha’s Vineyard to listen to a short press conference the President will be conducting prior to the start of his family vacation. This is the only contact that the President will be having with the press during his stay here. He’s getting ready to speak.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to this abbreviated press conference. I want to get this out of the way so that my family and I can enjoy our stay here as guests of the locals of Martha’s Vineyard. Let’s take a few questions—ah, Mr. Morin, from the Pete Morin News Service--.”

PMNS: Thank you Mr. President. The Congress is considering ‘reconciliation’ as a means of getting a healthcare plan passed. Do you think this is a wise move by the House leadership?

PRES: Well, of course, I would like to see bipartisan effort with regards to healthcare reform. Ultimately, however, it is imperative that a plan be passed as soon as possible. Let there be no mistake, the American peop--- (cccrrraaarrsshhh).

Apparently, the strong wind whipped up from Hurricane Bill has knocked over one of the President’s teleprompters. David Alexrod is attempting to put the teleprompter back up—(cccccaaarrsshh)—oh, there goes the other teleprompter—

PRES: That’s all right David. We’ll just have to continue ahhh, without ahhh,--as I was saying, ahh—we’ll have to ahh, pass health reform, pass healthcare re--, ahhh, insurance care health(VVVVVVVRRRROOOOMMMM—)

There goes a Secret Service Speedboat, and it’s making a lot of noise, so it’s difficult to hear the President.


The speedboats are making it almost IMPOSSIBLE TO HEAR—


It looks like the President may be abandoning his effort to continue. Michelle Obama is giving him a rather stern look and is walking away with Sasha and Malia down the beach. The President is joining her and the children as they walk across the sand of this beautiful beach.

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

The Pete Morin News Service--Issue #15

News flash from Washington, DC---August 23, 2009

As President Obama heads for vacation on Martha’s Vineyard this afternoon, the White House has adjusted the projected ten year deficit to be 9 trillion instead of 7.1 trillion dollars. To help offset what can only be called ‘less than enthusiastic news’ for the government projection, Obama has recommended that the Treasury print a new currency denomination. The new bill will be a 1 million dollar denomination with President Obama’s likeness on the face. The treasury decided on the President’s picture rather than the options of either Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid. Both of these individuals were assured that should an additional currency be required their likeness will be on those bills. PMNS has learned that Pelosi was guaranteed that she would be on the 10 million note. No comment, as of yet, from Harry Reid.

The recent deal between Brazil’s Petrobras Oil Co. and the Obama administration is taking some heat from US Oil Companies. US Oil producers wonder why they can’t be recipients of a deal with the government rather than Petrobras. Rahm Emanuel, Obama’s Chief of Staff, emphasized the importance of the deal saying that George Soros, who owns a large share of Petrobras, couldn’t wait any longer for a return on his investment. Evidently, the 10 million dollars he gave to the Obama campaign put him first in line for payback. Exxon Executives who donated to the Obama campaign are appealing.

In order to get the new 1 million dollar bills circulating as soon as possible, President Obama is suggesting a new stimulus of 50 trillion to go to all Democratic districts for any purpose that the Congressmen or Senators may wish. Nancy Pelosi has suggested that the Golden Gate Bridge be torn down and a new bridge be put in its’ place. Her name for the new bridge?--The PelosiReidWaxmanHoyerMurthaDingellBerry Bridge. Total cost is expected to be 5000 Obamas. When asked how much the toll would be to cross Pelosi reportedly said, “we’re not sure, but the booths will be called the ‘Republican Toll Booths’”.

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--editorial #4(The real world)

News flash from Washington, DC--August 20, 2009

An interesting little piece from Carol Brown, writing in The American Thinker--
“Senator Kennedy is requesting that state legislators change the law just for him. He would like the governor to appoint a temporary replacement upon his death. As the law currently stands, his senate seat would remain vacant until a special election be held. This election would not occur until at least 145-160 days, if not longer, after his death. But Kennedy has expressed his desire to have the state of Massachusetts have full representation during that time frame.
“Obviously the time frame would likely overlap when Congress votes on health care reform. I wonder if the Governor of Massachusetts will see fit to quickly change the law to make sure the Democrats have every vote possible when health care comes up?”

What Ms. Brown doesn't mention here, but has to be noted, is that Senator Kennedy had the law changed in 2004 to allow for a special election when it appeared that Gov. Mitt Romney might have to replace Senator Kerry. Kennedy feared that Romney would replace Kerry with a Republican. Kennedy never misses a beat does he; always looking out for the average Joe!

Here’s the hypocrisy of the ‘Liberal Lion of the Senate’ for all to see. Everyone knows how concerned Senator Kennedy is to follow the rule of law and represent the people as honestly as he can--right? WRONG!! Kennedy is only concerned about power and the use thereof. His whole tenure as a United States Senator has been about helping himself and his party. This man has such ideological blinders on that concern for what a public option will do to our healthcare system doesn’t even appear on his radar. To him, government can do no wrong--it can only help the little guy against those BIG, BAD special interests. Senator, your whole life has been one, big roll over to special interests; and the sad part is--you didn’t even KNOW IT!!

This editorial does not necessarily represent the views of the Pete Morin News Service

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Issue #14

News flash from Washington, DC, August 18, 2009

The Federal Government has ordered 195 million doses of swine flu vaccine from companies around the world, hoping that 120 million doses would be ready by October 15, 2009. Dr. Robin Robinson of HHS has reported that only 45 million doses would be available by that date. The doctor assures the public that the doses will eventually be obtained in time, perhaps by about 20 million per week. “As we’ve said all along, if things can go wrong, they will”, quoted Dr. Robinson. The doctor also assured the public that HHS will be ready to take over the Healthcare industry within one week of the passage of a Healthcare bill.

Reports coming out of Washington today indicate that the Democrats are considering forcing a Healthcare bill through Congress without any Republican support. Reconciliation, also known as 'the nuclear option', would become a real possibility to get a partisan bill passed. The democrats are also considering locking the republicans out of the Congressional chambers, changing the names of any naval vessel that has a republican politician’s name and removing all Republican Presidential portraits from the White House.

Massachusetts has recently seen a 90 degree plus heat wave, but 21 Boston swimming pools remained closed to the youth of the inner city. Governor Deval Patrick, has refused to reopen the pools leaving kids with little else to do on the sweltering August days. Apparently, there’s a shortage of lifeguards and chlorine, but this didn’t change the Governor’s mind since his approval ratings can’t possibly get any lower. ‘Yes, we can’, obviously is ‘no I won’t.’

The Wall Street Journal is reporting that small firms with fewer than five employees are responsible for almost 15 % of job losses in the fourth quarter of 2008. In response to this development President Obama is rolling out a new stimulus program in the amount of 25 trillion dollars for these firms. The program is to be called ‘Cash for TV’s, furniture, bookstores, lawnmowers, roofers, drywallers, painters, video stores, restaurants and approximately 7452 other businesses; and, of course, lawyers ’. For law firms with more than five employees the stimulus will be an additional 10 trillion. When asked how the stimulus would be paid for the President said, “a 10% tax increase will be levied on all small firms that have more than five employees, but less than ten.

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Issue #13

News flash from Washington, DC, August 18, 2009

President Obama will be headed shortly for a vacation on Martha’s Vineyard where he’ll take a much needed break from the controversy of healthcare legislation. As a prelude to this trip, he’ll be checking in to Walter Reed Hospital for a complete physical at 8 am. To show how a public option would work in Americans favor he stood in line with other people waiting to be seen, but had to leave due to time constraints at 9 pm without seeing a doctor.

Both Representative Barbara Lee (D-CA) and HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius have made statements today that a public option is a must in any legislation coming out of Congress. In their words, it would “keep insurance companies honest”. They then boarded their private jets for an undisclosed location somewhere in the south of France.

President Obama has repeatedly said that opponents of his healthcare plan have no alternatives, but the Patients' Choice Act (H.R. 2520) introduced this May by Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) in the House and by Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) in the Senate (S. 1099) offers such a choice. When Obama was made aware of this proposed legislation his response was, ‘what is H.R. 2520 and who are these guys”?

Big national retailers are beginning to worry about consumer spending and the effect it is having on not reviving the economy. "Not only has employment fallen, but a lot people are facing salary freezes or other cutbacks," said Lou Crandall, chief economist of financial-research firm Wrightson ICAP. "That is going to have a significant drag on consumer spending going forward." Shoppers at a local mall were also concerned about the economy. Bill(last name withheld) who was looking for a wetsuit said, “my house is underwater; my car is underwater; my credit cards are maxed out and my bank balances are zero”. He then left with his wife to go to a travel agency to purchase tickets for a flight to the south of France.

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

The Pete Morin News Service--Editorial #3 (The Real Word)

News flash from Washington, DC, August 18, 2009

Let’s see if I’ve got this correct. Representative Barbara Lee (D-CA), said today that we need a public option to keep the insurance companies honest. HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said today that we need a public option to keep the insurance companies honest. Have these people NO SHAME? Federal and State mandates on Insurance companies currently number over 2100. Where is the outrage over government involvement in the private sector? Where is the honesty in our elected officials concerning this little reported fact. Mandates affect the cost of insurance. Mandates FORCE all of us to pay more for our premiums than is necessary. Evidently, you’ll never hear that from liberals on Capitol Hill.

The time has come for people to realize that this government is destructive to our health and security. It’s time for concerned citizens to rise up and demand that our elected officials be honest. They shamelessly present themselves as being the defenders of the peoples safety and security when, in actuality, they are nothing but liars and con artists. They need to be thrown out on their ears before the damage done to our nation is irreparable.

We can start by letting our esteemed representatives know that we have the facts about their little con game. Let them know we’re tired of their lies and distortions. Let them know that, come November 2010, we’ll be out in force to give them the boot. The Constitution has suffered enough from these purveyors of misinformation. If they think they’ve seen anger from the recent healthcare debates, they ain’t seen nothing yet!

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Issue #12

News flash from Washington, DC---August 16, 2009

President Obama and Democratic Senate leaders have expressed a willingness to drop their ‘public option’ demand from any healthcare legislation now being proposed in Congress. This stunning development has the far left of the Democratic party enraged. “It is a big mistake not to include a public option in legislation coming out of the Senate”, responded House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi. “A public option is a great necessity to prevent greedy insurance companies from making unseemly profits off the backs of sick Americans.” Pelosi then boarded her private jet for an emergency meeting with key Congressional leaders in an undisclosed location in the Bahamas.

In order to facilitate a passage of a health bill that will include Republican support, President Obama is recommending the creation of a panel called the ‘Dietary Universal Management Board’. It is believed that this DUMB board will review ways to help Americans improve their diets through proper nutrition and an exercise regimen. As an adjunct to this proposal, President Obama is floating the idea of forming a compliance arm of the DUMB board called ‘Universal Family Alliance for Regular Tests’, or UFART. This compliance group will be comprised of Health and Wellness Dietary Police who will set up weight stations on selected roadways to spot check individuals for proper Body Mass Index(BMI). Anyone with a BMI of 30 or higher will be referred to the DUMB board. No word yet as to any opposition to this proposal.

Tropical Storm season is heating up as a system named ‘Claudette’ is forming off the Florida coast threatening to bring heavy rain and flooding to the Gulf Coast area. “Global warming, global warming” shrieked Al Gore as he heard of the seasons first Atlantic storm. “All these CO2 emissions are going to bring more violent storms; more severe weather and more destruction to our economy”, said Gore who then boarded his private jet for an undisclosed location in the Bahamas.

Meanwhile, a 1224-pound triple vanilla cupcake with pink frosting has entered the Guinness World Records as the largest cupcake ever. It was shown at the Woodward Dream Cruise classic cars event in Royal Oak, Michigan. It contained more than 800 eggs and 200 pounds each of sugar and flour. No word yet as to whether the DUMB board will be investigating this cupcake for excess caloric content, but Congressman John Dingell was heard to comment, in his usual deliberate manner, “this cupcake is great for Michigan. It’ll improve our citizens’ nutritional needs without having to involve UFART”.

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Issue #11

News flash from Washington, DC—August 15, 2009

President Obama has commissioned Senator Al Franken to come up with a slogan or saying that best incorporates how the administration will conduct itself with regards to getting and holding the trust of the American people. Senator Franken has released the following poem for the people’s consideration.

We won’t lie to you, our friends,
Trust and honor is our bond,
Don’t believe the crap you hear,
Of you, dear voter, we’re fond.

Tell those nasty town hall haters,
You won’t accept their trashin’,
Please listen to your great Obama,
Your welfare is his only passion.

From USPS, Amtrak and the United Nations,
We pledge all that is good and true,
Our promise is our legacy forever,
To never put the screws to you.

The President was, apparently, so touched by Franken’s poetic verse that he might present him with a new award, the ‘Saul Alinsky Community Comrade Citation’. Meanwhile, Congressman Pete Stark (CA) has presented a resolution to Congress that replaces the prayers for opening a session of Congress with the new poem.

A rift between the National Education Association and the Obama administration has been developing over President Obama’s suggestion that education for American children be changed from K-12 to K-10. Evidently, President Obama believes that students can learn to love their government in only ten years instead of twelve. The NEA believes that it takes at least twelve years to fully indoctrinate young minds in the good works of government. They issued the following statement: “We believe it is incumbent upon the American Education establishment to provide each student with a clear understanding of the works of Howard Zinn, Saul Alinsky, Noam Chomsky, Henry Louis Gates and especially the Jane Fonda Workout regimen before graduation and moving on to the liberal college of their choice.”

Lastly, in commemorating Woodstock, all government officials who were present at the original event will return for a reunion next weekend. For three days they will sing songs, swim in the nude, pass the hash pipes, have indiscriminate sex without protection and make believe they’re listening to Jimi Hendrix and his famous rendition of the ‘Star Spangled Banner’. They will then return to Washington to continue doing the peoples business.

This news clip provided by The Pete Morin News Service

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Issue #10

News flash from Washington, DC---August 12, 2009

The day after what many are calling an ‘orchestrated town hall meeting’, President Obama is hitting the tried and true campaign trail again. He’ll head out west to Montana where the issue of healthcare is boiling over. The sticking point of contention there isn’t just healthcare for people, but healthcare for animals.

Prof. Singer, of the URDEAD committee, has convinced the President that healthcare for animals will be a big hit in the western states. PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) agrees. A spokesman for PETA has issued the following statement. “ President Obama recognizes the importance of animal care and the fact that all farmers should carry animal insurance. The people of Montana should be grateful to the President for proposing legislation to protect their animals.” No word as of yet how wording will be added to the current bill working its way through the House committee.

President Obama is attributing his 787 billion dollar stimulus bill to the recent drop in the unemployment rate. Citing the new figures, the President called for Congress to enact another stimulus bill. “Obviously, the stimulus worked. In order to make continued progress I’m recommending a new stimulus bill of 10 trillion dollars. This could drop the unemployment rate down to 9%.” To pay for the program the President has suggested issuing new hagiographic treasury bills. Secretary of the Treasury, Timothy Geithner gushed with enthusiasm for the new program. “If you’re not satisfied with the rate of return on the T bill, you just turn it a little sideways and a new rate of return appears in the face of the bill.” The Fed Chairman, Ben Bernanke, was less than pleased with this approach, but agreed to give it a try.

Nancy Pelosi has been taking a good amount of heat for the proposed purchase of six new private jets for Congressional use. “The use of these jets is extremely important to the Congress. After all, we can’t be expected to ride in first class on commercial flights. We need our own jets for planned junkets that take us all over the world in search of better ways to make government more efficient.”

This news clip provided by The Pete Morin News Service

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Live report #1

News flash from Portsmouth, NH--August 11, 2009

This is the Pete Morin News Service reporting from Portsmouth, NH where a town hall meeting/rally is taking place with President Obama as the main speaker. The President is speaking to a predominately partisan crowd-- I would say most are in favor of his healthcare plan by a, perhaps, 2-1 margin. It appears that many in the crowd are wearing SEIU T-shirts and holding signs indicating their support for Universal Healthcare.

The president’s beginning to speak--let’s see if I can make out what he’s saying---the microphone supplied by the union doesn’t seem to be working properly--now I can hear him. “Let’s get out there and let everyone know that Univer--I mean my healthcare plan must be passed. It’s important that you talk to your representative and tell him you want it passed NOW!!” The president appears to be relaxed as his supporters call his name and echo his sentiments. There’s another chant of some kind building in the background. Let’s see if we can make it out---. “Don’t tax you, don’t tax me, tax the Republican parrrrr-tee. Don’t tax you, don’t tax me, tax the Republican parrrrrr-tee.”

The President is waving his hands in support of the throng who have come out on this beautiful August day. He’s wearing his Saul Alinsky T-shirt with matching jeans and presenting an aura of being just one of the folks. Several in the crowd are wearing their Saul Alinsky/Barack Obama T-shirts evidently purchased at the local Spencer’s Gift Store.

The President is preparing to speak again. “Let me be clear and let there be no mistake. We will get healthcare reform done this fall; not this winter, or next year, but THIS FALL. When Congress reconvenes, we will demand they act quickly before the rabid, fanatical, Brooks Brothers Brigade can mount any opposition. We will overcome.”

The crowd is cheering wildly as the President leaves the dais and moves through the masses to accept their adulation. He is smiling yet looking forceful as he shakes the hands of his followers. I can hear something else rising from the crowd. Let’s see if I can make it out--yes, I think I hear what they’re saying. “NO RAIN, NO RAIN, NO RAIN---”. Apparently, some in the crowd are re-enacting the famous Woodstock chant of 40 years ago. Unfortunately, the chant didn’t work then, but there should be no problem today with a clear blue sky with just a few passing , puffy clouds.

That’s all for now--this is the Pete Morin News Service reporting from Portsmouth, NH---what’s that rumbling sound I hear?? Did you bring an umbrella--or a poncho--or a doobie----or

This news clip provided by Pete Morin News Service

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Editorial #2(The real world)

On the ABC nightly news, Charles Gibson presents, what the newscast calls, a ‘Fact Check’ on the health care debate. The report alleges that opposition to the Obama HealthCare initiative presents the so called ‘Advance Care Planning Consultation’ as a method for denying care to the elderly or individuals who would not otherwise qualify for optional medical care; in other words ‘rationing’ or refusal of care.

Gibson’s report, however, does not fully explain the basis or reasoning behind the planning consultation. Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel, MD, PhD Dept. of Bioethics, NIH, has written extensively about this particular subject. In a paper published in the Hastings Center Report--November-December, 1996, Dr. Emanuel spells out his reasoning for limiting care to certain individuals. On pgs 13-14 of the report he specifically states “ (s)ervices provided to individuals who are irreversibly prevented from being or becoming participating citizens are not basic and should not be guaranteed. An obvious example is not guaranteeing health services to patients with dementia. A less obvious example is guaranteeing neuropsychological services to ensure children with learning disabilities can read and learn to reason".

Clearly, the explanation listed in section 1233 of the prospective healthcare legislation does not attribute the planning consultation to Dr. Emanuel’s report, but a logical deduction can be implied with respect to a five year review of a patient’s medical condition. Should the review be found not to meet the ‘basic’ needs of society, then one can assume that care can be withheld.

A more disquieting aspect of the report by Dr. Emanuel would be his reference to citizens that are not “participating”. Exactly how one could define this term is extremely subjective. I would not want either myself, or a loved one, to be classified as such without my consent or understanding. Does Dr. Emanuel suggest that the medical profession can make that determination on its’ own or with only the consent of a governmental body, thus leaving the patient to face the prospect of denial of care?

H.R.3200 needs to be looked at carefully before we rush this legislation and give it the force of law.

Pete Morin News Service--Issue #9

News flash from Washington, DC--August 10, 2009

The healthcare debate continues to be contentious as the President has exhorted his supporters to get out and show support for his healthcare reform bill. “Make certain your members of Congress know you’re counting on them to act” appeared on a page dedicated to “Organizing for Health Care” on the official Obama website. In the mean time Nancy Pelosi continued to label those opposed to the Obama plan as ’Nazis’ and Robert Gibbs, Obama’s Press Secretary, referred to opponents as the “Brooks Brothers Brigade”.

The healthcare URDEAD committee has appointed a new member to replace David Letterman. Al Franken, Senator from Minnesota, will be the new member of the committee. On hearing that he was appointed Senator Franken was overjoyed to hear that he would be able to practice his primary craft once again. “I’m very happy to have been appointed to this committee and I’ll do everything possible to lighten things up for URDEAD. My Judiciary responsibilities were fine, but it didn’t give me much satisfaction since the Sotomayor hearings were boring. I mean, REALLY BORRRRING.”

Peter Singer has agreed to remain on the committee even without PETA representation. Informed sources indicate that Prof. Singer was satisfied with being the new chairman of the ‘Advance Care Planning Consultation’ board for the new healthcare plan. The board will be responsible for discussing and evaluating end of life questions with practitioners and patients. According to the healthcare plan, anyone 65 years or older, must consult with the evaluating board once every five years. Prof. Singer is clearing his schedule to talk with all individuals who will be affected by the board’s decisions.

The temperature in New York City has hit 90 degrees for the first time since April. This had led opponents of cap and trade legislation to propose different legislation for the apparent lack of warming in the atmosphere. “The atmosphere has been cooling since 1998” said Bjorn Lomborg, noted Swedish environmentalist, “and we need to stop this cooling before we all freeze to death”. A new organization called ‘Cash To Get Cooler’ will be implemented to help cool the earth. No word yet as to whether President Obama will be involved in the program.

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Interview #1 (pt 2)

News flash From Washington, DC--August 9, 2009

Today we continue our interview with former President George Washington. Sorry about the delay, but developing news stories came first.

PMNS: Mr. President, we left off in our last interview talking about slavery and the impact it had on the formation of the nation. Now we’d like to look at your involvement in the revolution. Your battle record suggests that, as a commander, you had relatively few successes. What say you?

PRES: It is true that we lost many more battles than we won, but those that we did win were very crucial to our survival and in keeping the morale and fighting spirit of the troops at the highest level possible. Even though I was not in command at Breeds Hill (the technical name for the battle of Bunker Hill), the American fighting man exhibited a fierce determination to protect home and hearth from the invading British. Though a strategic defeat, the fight was a moral victory.

PMNS: How about the battles in New York City? It almost seemed that the Americans were lucky to extricate themselves despite, what can only be called, your ineptness at formulating good battle tactics.

PRES: I wouldn’t say that I, or our commanders, were inept. We were facing seasoned fighting troops from an international power that had been bloodied from years of combat on the continent. We--

PMNS: But Mr. President, had it not been for weather conditions and a streak of luck your troops and yourself would have been surrounded and captured.

PRES: Once again, we were faced with a prospect of facing commanders whose tactics and strategy had been forged in years of struggle with the French. Our men were not regular soldiers trained in the arts and crafts of war, but a mere collection of farmers and tradesmen. I’m proud of the way they presented themselves on the field of battle.

PMNS: Despite your, shall we say, inability to recognize either advantages or poor planning on the part of the British?

PRES: You may be correct in saying that we should have realized their strategic advantages more readily, but my personal experiences in battle were a far cry from that which took place in the early battles of the revolution. The French and Indian War was fought in the far interior and tactics used were different from those employed in New York or New Jersey. In any event, Providence saw to it that we should escape the confines of Brooklyn and the city to fight another day.

PMNS: What battle stands, to your mind, as the most important of the war?

PRES: Saratoga. Without this victory there would have been, quite likely, no involvement by the French in our cause. Gates and Arnold fought a brilliant battle. But Burgoyne acted foolishly in thinking that the American soldier wasn’t up to the task. We were fighting our kind of battle in the interior on our terms. Burgoyne never truly grasped the conditions he had to fight under. It’s been said that when Ben Franklin heard of our victory, he knew the French would be committed to our cause. If we had lost at Saratoga, we would have lost the war that year;1777.

PMNS: So the French assistance made all the difference?

PRES: Perhaps not all, but a good part of it. By the time we joined up at Yorktown with the French fleet, Corwallis knew Britain’s attempt to control the Colonies was lost.

PMNS: Now on to your presidency. As our very first president, was it difficult leading a nation with only a written Constitution as a guide?

PRES: The Constitution was more than a guide; it was the law. We knew the power of monarchy and what effect it had on people. It robbed them of their individuality, of their right to life, liberty and property, as Jefferson had so eloquently expressed. In creating a Constitution that men could understand and be inspired by, we were able to form the glue that would bind us as men living a free life deciding for ourselves what our destiny was to be. There were shortcomings as there are for any man made adventure, but those could be addressed with the Constitution as our guide.

PMNS: What was the most difficult aspect you were confronted with in the early years of the nation?

PRES: We had such strong willed, brilliant men leading us in those years. Getting men like Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Adams to agree on policy and the building of the nation itself was draining at times. I knew, however, there was no room for failure. The British, and indeed the French, were watching us closely for any slip we might make so they might take advantage and dissolve our Union. There were times I thought we might falter, but utter failure was unthinkable. Too much blood and treasure had been spent to conceive of failure and indeed we could not let it be so. I hope and pray that those who come after us will understand the price we paid for our, and their, freedom. It would be a shame to let our Constitution, our struggle and our dreams of self government pass into oblivion for the siren song of demagogues or kings.

PMNS: Thank you, Mr. President.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Issue #8

News flash from Washington, DC---August 8, 2009

What seems like a never ending debate that will never end, Pacific Research Institute President and CEO, Sally Pipes has published a new book entitled “The Top Ten Myths of American Health Care: A Citizen’s Guide”. House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi was asked if she has read the book and her response was “I don’t care about myths, insurance companies are greedy, greedy, greedy and only government in all its’ benevolence can properly attack the problem.” She also stated that all individuals protesting a government run healthcare system were ‘Nazis’ and ‘Astroturf’. Stay tuned for more debate.

The unemployment numbers have come out for the month of July and the figure was better than expected. Unemployment actually dropped from 9.5% to 9.4%. President Obama called these numbers ‘encouraging’ and believes that the worst of the recession may be over. The President intimated that instead of spending 49 trillion dollars over the next decade on government programs we need only spend 48.99 trillion.

Meanwhile, President Obama was detained at the White House for questioning concerning statements he made in 2003 and 2007 concerning a single payer health system. Apparently, President Obama is on tape as having supported a single payer system. If true this would contradict the recent healthcare proposal put forth by the democrats as not having a single payer component and his statements would have to considered ‘fishy’. It is not known what action will be taken for the Presidents’ ‘fishy’ statements. Perhaps taking away Camp David privileges?

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service--Issue #7

News Flash from Washington, DC---August 6, 2009

It’s official; Judge Sonia Sotomayor has been confirmed as an Associate Justice to the United States Supreme Court. Sen. Al Franken, MN, announced the confimation on the senate floor this afternoon. The final tally was 68-31 for confirmation. After the tally was announced Judge Sotomayor was reported to have exclaimed, “I can’t believe 9 white republicans would vote to confirm such a wise Latina woman. I expected 59 votes from the useful idiot democrats, but another 9 from the republicans?--hahahahahah!!”

The cash for clunkers program is expected to get another infusion of cash from congress; this time an approximate 2 billion dollars would be added to the program. Congressman Henry Waxman, CA. was so enamored with the program that he is considering asking congress for 500 billion dollars to build all new houses in California. “We can tear down all the existing housing and build new houses for everyone in the state. It would be great for the building industry and salvage firms could crush all the old houses. What a boon for the state.” The proposed plan met with some immediate resistance from the delegations from 48 states.

Many House members are pushing their constituents for passage of the ObamaCare Health plan. The Massachusetts delegation has issued a statement touting the effectiveness of the Massachusetts State law which requires all citizens to purchase health insurance. Barney Frank, spokesman for the group lauded the program and pointed out that administrative costs for the program have only quadrupled. A little known clause in the law allows for the Federal Government to take over the plan once the costs have quintupled. “We’re almost there” said Frank, “and once the Fed gets control there’s no stopping what we can do.”

Meanwhile, Congressman John Dingell of Michigan agreed that the Waxman ’cash for condos’ plan for California was a great idea. In his usual deliberate manner Dingell said, “this is a wonderful program for the people of California and Michigan. Folks there get new houses and we can take the crushed ones in Detroit. It’ll improve our neighborhoods.”

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

The Pete Morin News Service--Editorial #1(The real world)

Occasionally, The Pete Morin News Service will invite individuals to express their opinion through our venue. Today we have Joe the Patriot. 8/6/2009

"There is a lot of disinformation about health insurance reform out there, spanning from control of personal finances to the end of life care. These rumors often travel just below the surface via chain emails or through casual conversation. Since we can't keep track of all of them here at the White House, we're asking for your help. If you get an email or see something on the web about health insurance reform that seems fishy, send it to flag@whitehouse.gov."

The above quote did not come from Hugo Chavez, Daniel Ortega, Putin, Castro and any other Totalitarian, left wing excuse for a human being; it came from our WHITE HOUSE! Evidently, disagreement with our supreme leader, the anointed one, is verboten. That’s German for ‘don’t even try it’. When are Americans going to stand up for freedom? When are Americans going to look at the hypocrisy that emanates from this administration? If you happen to be a left wing liberal then it’s perfectly OK to get out and organize and protest; but if you happen to be an American who believes in the Constitution and the rule of law, well then you’re an extremist!

Everyone concerned with the future of our Republic, whether you be a Republican or Democrat, should be letting this ‘Community Organizer’ know exactly what you think. If socialism succeeds, then we all lose; we lose not just freedom, but our voices; and all the voices of those who have come before us will be silenced FOREVER. The cost of this betrayal is too high to contemplate and I, for one, will not go silently. Contact your congressman, senator and even this power obsessed president and let him know that enough is enough.

Freedom is a terrible thing to waste.

This editorial from the Pete Morin News Service(the views are those of the writer and not necessarily those of the Pete Morin News Service)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Pete Morin News Service---Issue #6

Newsflash from Washington, DC—August 5, 2009

It appears that Hillary Clinton will not be going to North Korea as reported earlier. Former President Bill Clinton has secured the release of two female journalists held by North Korean authorities. He is, at this writing, returning to the United States with the women and will personally be de-briefing them at his home. He might issue a report at a later date as to the success of the de-briefing.

Meanwhile, the Democratic National Committee is playing hardball on the healthcare issue. The Committee has been issuing reports to the media complaining about ‘radical, far right extremists’ distorting the president’s plan for healthcare coverage for all Americans. To combat this extremism, the President has been advised to hold town hall meetings with some of his loyal supporters. Therefore, President Obama will be appear at his next meeting with William Ayers and Jeremiah Wright who will help clarify the President’s message. Mr. Ayers and Rev. Wright, apparently, have some experience with radicalism and should offer invaluable assistance to the President in this regard.

Our sources indicate that the President plans to unveil a new government program called ‘Cash for the Cooler’. Evidently, the President is looking for several used coolers, preferably for beer, to be turned into the White House for cash. The used coolers will then be brought around the country for beer bashes hosted by President Obama. Anyone having a grievance that needs to be straightened out can contact Attorney General Eric Holder who will set up the beer bash.

The social security administration is releasing a new advertising campaign to assure senior citizens that the government program will not be revamped or changed in any way that might affect their benefits. The tag line of the ad campaign would be “Trillions in debt, but don’t fret, you’ll get what’s coming to you”. The President assured AARP that social security will be secure even if the treasury printing presses have to run twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year(366 in 2012), ten years to a decade, ten decades to a century, ten centuries to a millennium etc, etc…..

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin news Service

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Pete Morin News Service --Issue #5

Newsflash from Washington, DC--August 4, 2009

With the congressional August recess in full swing, pols can expect very little respite from both the left and right concerning the passage of a healthcare bill. Before leaving on recess, Nancy Pelosi took one last parting shot at insurance companies by referring to them as ‘greedy’; one of the main reasons why healthcare must be reformed. She then flew to California on her taxpayer funded private jet to hear the concerns of her constituency.

Before the August recess lawmakers did, at least, get one bill passed; executive pay may now be reviewed by the government. By passing this bill congress hopes to have the country avoid another financial crisis. Also considered were the scheduled times and length of lunch breaks, morning and afternoon bathroom breaks and, to those employees working in cubicles, rules on raising one’s hand for permission to go to the potty at times other than scheduled breaks.

Former President Bill Clinton is in North Korea to try and secure the release of two journalists held captive by the North Koreans for several months. Should this attempt fail, it is assumed that Hillary will go to North Korea to secure the release of her husband. Failing that, it is expected that President Obama would go to North Korea to secure the release of Bill Clinton. It is rumored that Hillary Clinton was considering resigning her position as Secretary of State to possibly run against Obama in 2012. Hillary would probably be kept in North Korea for further questioning until at least 2013.

With the Defense Appropriations bill having recently been passed, a few small earmarks were added to guarantee passage of the bill.
1134 rider mowers for the constituents from John Murtha’s district
377 weed whackers for the constituents from David Obey’s district
596 rototillers for the constituents from Steny Hoyer’s district
1 crying towel for John Boehner
This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

Monday, August 3, 2009

Pete Morin News Service--Interview #1

Newsflash from Washington, DC--August 3, 2009

Today we start an exiting new section of our news service called ‘In the A & D’(Interviews with the Alive & Dead).

The first interviewee is a very well known colonial American whose leadership, both on and off the field of battle, was crucial to the success of America as a nation. Dear readers it is an honor to present our first president, the father of our country, George Washington.

PMNS: Mr. President, it is--oh, do you prefer to be called General, or Mr. President?

PRES./GEN. WASHINGTON : It is a pleasure to be here with the Pete Morin News Service, and you may call me ‘Your Excellency’--just kidding. John Adams and several original members of Congress debated this issue at great length, but I finally put an end to it all by simply having them refer to me as ‘Mr. President’.

PMNS: Very good, thank you Mr. President. Mr. President, many of the questions I will be posing to you tonight will be difficult to answer since they come from the perspective of the twenty first century and yet you will be able to answer only as an eighteenth century man. I hope you understand the significance of the problem, but will give us your best recollection and insight from your perspective.

PRES: I understand, but really the twenty first century means nothing to someone who is dead. I suppose I could have dreamed about such a time and if I had I’m sure I wouldn’t recognize a thing--except , perhaps, those intangibles that mankind searches for; the timelessness of freedom and liberty.

PMNS: Well put Mr. President. The first question I have concerns life in colonial America; what was it like?

PRES: Life in the eighteenth century was probably better than most times of recorded history. The beginnings of the industrial revolution were providing goods and wares on a scale never quite seen before. Life was still difficult, of course, but with skilled tradesmen, a growing population and even the beginnings of a medical profession gaining a foothold, life was bearable and then some. Women still have their place tending to house and raising the children; the men to toil in the fields and attend to the safety of the family. All in all the agrarian life of the time was both pleasing and arduous.

PMNS: Arduous in what sense?

PRES: Arduous in that we had those age old problems of conflict and survival that have always afflicted mankind. The Indians, indigenous to America, were prone to view the settler as an intruder and the settler viewed the Indian as a nuisance. Wars and skirmishes would erupt, but eventually a kind of truce would prevail. I can only imagine that people in the twenty first century must think that we lived such a bucolic, pastoral life, but such is not the case. Try working from dawn to dusk and even beyond; building your own home; tilling your own fields and growing your food; caring for your livestock; prepare for winter and spring and---

PMNS: Yes, YES--I agree arduous! For someone of your stature, however, you were spared this daily grind, were you not? The question that must be asked concerns the plight and bondage of the African. They didn’t share in the bounty of a free existence as you, a member of a privileged class. What say you about slavery?

PRES: It was, indeed, a peculiar institution. We cannot live with it, yet cannot live without it. Many of my fellow plantation owners are vexed from such a complicated issue. I can only say that it was acceptable to some, but not to others. Certain of the framers, as I recall, would debate, argue, and threaten recriminations should anyone attempt to change the status quo. We did our best to resolve the issue, but in the end could only agree to stop the continuation of the slave trade twenty years hence from the ratification of the Constitution. It was imperfect. We are but men, not angels.

PMNS: Would, in your opinion, the Constitution have been ratified if slavery had been outlawed?

PRES: Not only would there have been no Constitution, there would have been no convention. Passions would have run too high and feeling deeply affected if the question were put to law. The individual states would have been as separate as each a nation unto itself. The great compromise was in itself a victory to the ideal of nation building. To have been a part of that convention that gave birth to our nation was a proud achievement and to all those whose attendance at Philadelphia was vital to the future of all men is among my most cherished remembrances. My only regret is that we couldn’t open the darn windows in that hall--it was suffocating and the latrines weren’t properly maintained!

This concludes part 1 of our interview with President Washington. Tomorrow, we’ll continue with part 2 when we’ll ask the President about the Revolution and his Presidency.

A quick news clip from Washington--Congressman Dingell from Michigan has proposed that the ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program be expanded to include the Chinese. Mr. Dingell, in his usual deliberate manner said, “just think of how prosperous Detroit will become, and it’ll only cost the taxpayer 50-60 trillion dollars!”

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Pete Morin News Service--Issue #4

Newsflash from Washington, DC----August 2, 2009

Our News Service has just learned that the ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program has been suspended while law makers decide how to get additional funds injected into the program. Apparently, a large number of applications have been submitted by dealerships for approval by the program administrators. It is understood that an additional 2 billion dollars will need to be appropriated to continue the program. A sticking point that must be addressed is the 4500 applications that are currently on backlog for processing. Some dealers have expressed concern that they will not see their applications approved. Tim (last name withheld) said “how can we expect the government to run this program successfully when they run a deficit of almost 2 trillion dollars?“

In a somewhat related story, Congressman John Dingell from Michigan, floated the possibility of replacing all of the current vehicles in America with electric cars. “Just think of the savings this would be to all Americans” said Mr. Dingell in his usual deliberate manner. “We could use the Chevy ’Volt’ as the recommended vehicle and they could be made right here in Detroit. It would be a huge boost to Govern---I mean---General Motors; and shouldn’t cost the taxpayer more than 6-7 trillion dollars.”

In an updated report from the URDEAD committee the News Service has learned that David Letterman has been voted off the committee. Speculation has it that Nancy Pelosi is still upset about Letterman’s comment regarding ‘PelousyCare’, but Pelosi assured the news media that this was not the case. “Ah, Mr. Letterman did a fine job in, ah, providing needed insight into the intricacies of national healthcare, but we felt that it was best if he, ah, returned to what he does best--that would be, ah, late night comedy.” Letterman responded that he thought that’s exactly what he was doing on the committee, only during the day time. No word yet on who will replace Mr. Letterman. It’s rumored that both Jon Stewart or Steve Colbert are possibilities.

Finally, as a new feature, the news service will be conducting interviews with noted personages both living and dead. Perhaps conducting an interview with a dead person will be difficult, but we have enlisted the services of noted psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, whose seminal work, ‘Young Man Luther’, gives us an excellent example of such a possibility.

News clip provided by the Pete Morin News service

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Pete Morin news Service Issue #3

Newsflash from Washington, DC----July 31, 2009

ObamaCare appears to be within the grasp of the House of Representatives as a last minute deal is being worked out with the so called ‘Blue Dog Democrats’. Rep. Ross of Arkansas, the last holdout against a strong public option, has apparently signed on to the bill. According to our sources on Capitol Hill, Ross has agreed to accept excess corn shipments to go to pig farmers in Arkansas in exchange for his vote.

Another key component of the bill will be additional swine flu vaccine to be shipped to Iowa in exchange for the corn shipments to Arkansas. Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa at first balked at the arrangement but eventually relented when he agreed to allow farmers to ship their excess high fructose corn syrup to Alaska. This product will apparently be used to combat S.A.D.(Seasonal adjustment disorder). During the long Alaskan winter the high fructose will be used to help the population adjust to this disorder.

Congresspersons Waxman and Pelosi of California have also warned blue dog democrats to be careful appearing in public during the august recess so as to not incur any altercations with ultra right wing opponents of the ObamaCare bill. “It is imperative that this legislation not be side tracked by radical right wing extremists seeking to limit the public option” quoted Mr. Waxman.

In an unrelated issue, Peter Orszag will be replaced on the URDEAD committee. Apparently, Mr.Orszag cut himself while shaving for the first time and had to be rushed to Walter Reed Hospital. It was learned that Mr. Orszag does not have health insurance and he was quoted as saying “I’m still young and healthy and didn’t think that I should be forced to, nor was it necessary, to have insurance.” It has also been reported that Mr.Orszag has been put on paid administrative leave while his tenure as Director of the Office of Management and Budget is discussed. President Obama is evidently not pleased that Mr.Orszag didn’t know how to shave properly.

Finally, President Obama was asked at his beer bash by Officer Crowley if the appeals procedure for medical tests not covered by the government plan would be addressed, Mr.Obama said “If it isn’t covered under the basic plan then it’s just TOBAD for an assessment."

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

Pete Morin News Service--Issue #2

Newsflash from Washington, DC—July 27, 2009

With ObamaCare just a few short days away, an apparent rift within the oversight committee has threatened to delay the final vote on the passage of the bill.

Confidential sources indicate that Nancy Pelosi took offense from, what appears to be, a joke purported to have come from the David Letterman staff. According to sources, Pelosi did not appreciate Letterman’s attempt to change the name of the ObamaCare legislation to ‘PelousyCare’. “This is serious legislation and does not befit the kind of humor that Mr. Letterman has exhibited”. Ms. Pelosi demanded an apology from the Letterman camp, but as of yet no apology has been given.

Meanwhile, in another shocking development, Peter Singer has refused to seat himself on the URDEAD committee unless PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) can also be seated on the board. According to a statement released by the Singer staff, Prof. Singer was heard to have said “cockroaches, flies, chimps and humans must all receive the same recognition as regards natural rights and should not be discriminated against because of their non-humanness”. In an attempt to have Prof. Singer’s position clarified, Newsflash called Singer’s staff but no further statement was forthcoming.

As of this writing, the staff of URDEAD and TOBAD appear to have the same committee members. Stay tuned for further announcements.

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin news service

Pete Morin News Service Issue #1

Newsflash from Washington, DC----July25, 2009

With the imminent passage of the ObamaCare HealthCare bill just days away, the Obama administration has issued its guidelines for cost analysis and oversight of the program to the general population. The following panel and oversight committee will be established to help administer this new Federal program.

A new committee, designated the ”Universal Resource Department for the Efficient Application of Doctors” (also known as URDEAD) will be implemented for cost analysis and compliance with the new Federal regulations concerning patient care. The following individuals will head up the committee and administer claims and support for the efficacy of such care.

Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel—MD, PhD, Head of the department of Bioethics at the NIH
Peter Singer—Philosopher and Professor of Bioethics at Princeton University
Nancy Pelosi—Speaker of the House of Representatives
Peter Orszag—Director of the Office of Management and Budget
David Letterman—Late night comedian and quintuplet by-pass surgery expert

These five individuals will be charged with reviewing all claims made to the URDEAD to facilitate the expeditious provision of healthcare under ObamaCare. Should any appeals be required from decisions made by URDEAD the appellate process will be handled by the “Temporary Oversight Board Assisting Doctors” (also known as TOBAD). All reviews made by TOBAD will be final.

These new committees, embedded within the URDEAD will lead to “great cost savings” according to President Obama and his Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel.

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin news service.