Sunday, August 2, 2009

Pete Morin News Service--Issue #4

Newsflash from Washington, DC----August 2, 2009

Our News Service has just learned that the ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program has been suspended while law makers decide how to get additional funds injected into the program. Apparently, a large number of applications have been submitted by dealerships for approval by the program administrators. It is understood that an additional 2 billion dollars will need to be appropriated to continue the program. A sticking point that must be addressed is the 4500 applications that are currently on backlog for processing. Some dealers have expressed concern that they will not see their applications approved. Tim (last name withheld) said “how can we expect the government to run this program successfully when they run a deficit of almost 2 trillion dollars?“

In a somewhat related story, Congressman John Dingell from Michigan, floated the possibility of replacing all of the current vehicles in America with electric cars. “Just think of the savings this would be to all Americans” said Mr. Dingell in his usual deliberate manner. “We could use the Chevy ’Volt’ as the recommended vehicle and they could be made right here in Detroit. It would be a huge boost to Govern---I mean---General Motors; and shouldn’t cost the taxpayer more than 6-7 trillion dollars.”

In an updated report from the URDEAD committee the News Service has learned that David Letterman has been voted off the committee. Speculation has it that Nancy Pelosi is still upset about Letterman’s comment regarding ‘PelousyCare’, but Pelosi assured the news media that this was not the case. “Ah, Mr. Letterman did a fine job in, ah, providing needed insight into the intricacies of national healthcare, but we felt that it was best if he, ah, returned to what he does best--that would be, ah, late night comedy.” Letterman responded that he thought that’s exactly what he was doing on the committee, only during the day time. No word yet on who will replace Mr. Letterman. It’s rumored that both Jon Stewart or Steve Colbert are possibilities.

Finally, as a new feature, the news service will be conducting interviews with noted personages both living and dead. Perhaps conducting an interview with a dead person will be difficult, but we have enlisted the services of noted psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, whose seminal work, ‘Young Man Luther’, gives us an excellent example of such a possibility.

News clip provided by the Pete Morin News service

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