Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Pete Morin News Service---Issue #18

News Flash from Washington, DC—September 10, 2009

President Obama’s address to a joint session of Congress was received well by those looking for a public option in any legislation that will be passed in the coming months. Tears streamed down Nancy Pelosi’s face as she listened intently to the President’s speech. “What a wonderful speaker”, exclaimed Pelosi. “He’s finally brought relief for millions of Americans suffering under the boot heels of those greedy, immoral insurance companies.” Asked how the government could afford the cost of the proposed plan Pelosi responded, “it’s only 900 billion dollars over ten years. The Treasury should be able to print 900 Obama bills in no time at all.”

Meanwhile, Van Jones has already taken up his new position at Yale Law School and has announced a new curriculum for incoming law students. According to the school administration students will no longer be required to study case law. The new requirements will be two semesters of Saul Alinsky’s ‘Rules for Radicals’, Howard Zinn’s ‘A People’s History of the United States' and ‘Das Capital’ by Karl Marx. An additional two semesters will be spent identifying ‘white polluters’ in and around the New Haven community. Students will then be given their law degrees and will referred to as ‘Green Leaders for Oppressed Peoples’ (GLOP).

Al Franken is now the chairman of the Universal Resource Department for the Efficient Allocation of Doctors (URDEAD). He’s been charged to immediately implement plans for a smooth transaction to a government run healthcare plan. Franken issued a directive that all doctors must read and apply to their practice’s as soon as possible:

“With the addition of 47 million new patients you may find that 24 hours in a day is not enough time to treat all cases. In order to assist you in handling all these new responsibilities, the government, with the assistance of the URDEAD Committee, is revising the length of a day from 24 hours to 28 hours. This will not only allow you to treat all your patients properly but give you an additional one hour of sleep so that you will be fresh and alert to your duties.”

No response yet has been heard from the American Medical Association or its’ members with respect to the new 28 hour day, but John Dingell, Congressman from Michigan, was ecstatic about the new program. “This new program will help all Americans get the healthcare they need and it’ll extend my time in Congress!”

This news clip provided by the Pete Morin News Service

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