The Pete Morin News Service has been granted an exclusive interview with President Barack Obama prior to his a State of the Union speech to be given on January 28th.
PMNS: Thank you Mr. President for sitting down with us prior to your State of the Union speech. Hope there's no hard feelings over our last interview.
POTUS: You're welcome, Pete. Of course there's no hard feelings over previous interviews. I we'll understand that there will be questions asked of any administration as to whether the policies of an administration are effective and can help the American people in regard to fairness in employment opportunities, securing our social safety net, empowering women and giving them access to adequate healthcare including reproductive services and......
PMNS: Excuse me Mr. President, but I have only a very limited time to ask questions, so I hope...
POTUS: Of course, fire away. I'll just make sure the IRS, NSA, FBI, CIA and Homeland Security aren't monitoring our conversation.
PMNS: Ah, Mr. President, I, ahhh....
POTUS: Just kidding, Pete. Just kidding. Please continue.
PMNS: Concerning the NSA, Mr. President. Is there any plan to scale back the amount of information being captured by the agency.
POTUS: As you know, Pete, security for United States citizens is my #1 priority. I've instructed the NSA to collect only that data from individuals which would be considered a threat to our homeland. Let me be clear. I have a phone and a pen, and I will use that phone, probably more so than the pen since you can't very well call someone up with a pen, to find out if my instructions are being carried out faithfully.
PMNS: Does this mean your phone conversations with NSA officials will be monitored just like any ordinary citizen?
POTUS: Well let just say that there may be times when the phone is, ah, ah, broken, so the pen will be ah, ah used when and if that should occur, ahh..
PMNS: I understand Mr. President. National security and all. What about the IRS scrutinizing tax exempt status for Conservative groups.
POTUS: As I've said in previous interviews, there's no room in our form of government for this kind of treatment of specific organizations. However, a thorough investigation was performed by our administration and no criminal wrongdoing was identified to warrant any continued investigation.
PMNS: But Mr. President, wasn't the individual who led that investigation within the Justice Department a donor to your campaign and....
POTUS: Now hold on Mr. Morin, the amount she gave to my campaign was pocket change compared to the amounts I received from other donors. So let's just move on, shall we?
PMNS: Of course, Mr. President. There's talk that you will focus on income inequality in your speech tonight. How will you present this issue to the American people.
POTUS: Exactly correct, Pete. Income inequality is a major problem in today's economy. OXFAM recently reported that the top 85 billionaires controlled, or had more money than 3.5 billion people across the globe. I ask you. Is this the kind of fairness we want for our children and family members regarding income? Absolutely not. It's imperative that people with higher incomes pay more in taxes to level the playing field, so to speak.
PMNS: What methods, or strategy, could be used to level that field?
POTUS: We can raise the minimum wage, for one. Who can live on $7.25 an hour!
PMNS: There are studies Mr. President that show only 3 million, or so, people on minimum wage and 60% of those are between the ages of 18 & 24. How will raising the minimum wage help such a small portion of the population?
POTUS: It may be small to you, Mr. Morin, but to these families, whose votes I definitely need, it's a big deal. I'm not going to play politics with these people's lives. Democracy is just as important to them as it is TO EVERYONE ELSE, and I've GOT A PHONE AND A PE......
PMNS: Got it Mr. President. Just one more question please. You taught Constitutional Law. Do you believe you've been completely faithful to the Constitution and not gone beyond your power with executive orders?
POTUS: Make no mistake, Mr. Moron, when it comes to doing something positive for the American people, if I have to go around Congress, I will. Those lazy, good for nothing, fat butt recalcitrant layabouts are not going to stop me from performing my obligations and duties to this nation. If I have go it alone, I will. If I have to pass laws myself, I will. If I have to judge the law's constitutionality, I will!! Got it, Mr. PMNS? And another thing, don't you ever tell me---------
At this point the interview is concluded with John Podesta pulling the President away begging him to ready himself for another brilliant SOTUS. Good luck, Mr. President. And---good luck America.