Washington News alert
The Pete Morin News Service has convinced president Barack Obama to take a few minutes during his busy re-election schedule and talk about his future plans to improve the economy.
PMNS: Thank you Mr. President for taking time to talk to me, and congratulations on your re-election.
POTUS: Well, you're welcome, Pete. No hard feelings about our last interview, I hope.
PMNS: None at all, Mr. President. Mr. President, could you give us a general outline about what you plan to do to get the economy going during your second term?
POTUS: Certainly, Pete. As you know, I inherited a terrible mess from my predecessor, but fortunately, my re-election will give me an opportunity to rectify his mistakes.
PMNS: Are you talking about President Bush and his administration?
POTUS: Actually, no. I corrected those mistakes. I'm referring to the mistakes made by President Reagan. His building up the Defense department caused an imbalance of world power which led to the rise of Iran, the Syrian Civil War, artificially low valuation of the Yuan, global warming, which led to superstorm Sandy, low birth weights among children in poor households, and the cancellation of the NHL hockey season. Now, what I propose....
PMNS: Excuse me, Mr. President. The cancellation of the NHL season?
POTUS: Of course, Pete. Global warming's impact has created superstorms which are threatening ice formation leading to the possibility of our ice hockey players becoming roller derby....
PMNS: Moving on, Mr. President. Can you give us a glimpse into your plans for the coming year with respect to improving the economy?
POTUS: Well, the car's been driven into a ditch by the Republicans and I'm going to take their keys away. First thing I'm going to do is ask Congress to appropriate $935 billion in stimulus money to be spent rebuilding the infrastructure and creating green energy jobs. These will be shovel ready jobs with good pay and excellent benefits for all union workers employed in the rebuilding process. This should, I mean, WILL lead to a reduction in the unemployment rate to 5.4%. As you will remember, the unemployment rate was 7.9% when I came into office and I intend...
PMNS: One moment, Mr. president. The unemployment rate when you entered office in 2009 was 7.9% and today it is still 7.9%. You tried this same approach in 2009 with little success. What makes you believe it will work this time?
POTUS: In 2009, I wasn't already the president. Now, I'm already the President. So this time it will work. The previous stimulus amount wasn't enough to get the car out of the ditch. This stimulus will put a real tiger in the nation's tank, so to speak.
PMNS: OooooooK. What other plans do you have that you can share with us.
POTUS: Cash for windmills.
PMNS: Excuse me, Mr. president. Cash for windmills?
POTUS: Yes, Mr. Morin. Cash for windmills. All the old windmills produced in 2009 and later need to be replaced with the new, up to date, advanced hi tech windmills. We simply take down all the current windmills and replace them with the new, improved windmills. Think of the thousands, heck millions of new green jobs that will be created by replacing the windmills. Several companies are already bidding on the contracts that will be issued.
PMNS: Care to mention any names?
POTUS: I believe Tipper Gore has a venture firm called 'Windra' that's sure to produce low cost green energy power and....
PMNS: Mr. President that sounds an awful lot like Solyndra, the failed solar panel company that...
POTUS: Now, let me be clear, Mr. Morin. I'm not going to allow accusations that my green energy jobs are going to crony capitalists, or any such nonsense. These are good, high paying jobs that will improve our economy, strengthen the middle class, and get that car out of the ditch, got it?
PMNS: Certainly, Mr. President. Just one more question. The last interview we had concerned the problems in Benghazi. Any new status update you can give us on the investigation about who knew what, when and...
POTUS: I believe, Mr. MORON, I told you every detail I had available about who I am, where I was when I knew who I was when I knew it. I'm not focused on the past pal, I'm moving FORWARD!!!! In fact , I can hear my supporters calling for me now. Can you hear them, Mr. MORON?????.......four more years, four more years........
The interview concludes with David Alexrod pulling the President away to bask in the glory of an adoring crowd. It's going to be an interesting four more years.